


The Fine Art of Intra Party Warfare

by Blueinkedfrost



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-21
Updated: 2010-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-13 22:47:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/142565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueinkedfrost/pseuds/Blueinkedfrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xzar, Montaron, Jaheira, Khalid; the inevitable happens.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fine Art of Intra Party Warfare

**A/N:** Feeling a sense of loyalty towards pixels on the screen, I went all the way through Baldur's Gate I with the first NPCs I met, and used a lot of reloading thanks to the Jaheira/Khalid vs Xzar/Montaron antics. Hence, the existence of this fic.

* * *

It had been a miracle that they had made it so far without the pairs killing each other. Almost as though there were some higher entity informing them in advance of the next strategic move to make, directing their party from behind the screen of the sky; however, such thoughts were clearly fanciful. Abjure Charname's god Oghma would never intervene to such an extent; and as for the other god who might plausibly have an interest in her, he was dead.

Back in the quiet Candlekeep days, the young gnome had decided, with Gorion's approval, that she was best suited for the priesthood; though feeling some brief attraction when reading tales of Bane, her allegiance had been given to the god of learning and of Gorion. She knew only too well through the priestly device for detecting one's true nature that she would never be like her foster father. She was tainted by evil regardless of her deeds-deeds motivated, she knew, only by the need to maintain appearance and receive gratitude, never out of the charity attributed to her. The companionship of Jaheira and Khalid, Gorion's friends, she accepted out of love for him; the mad wizard and the thief, she kept for their likeness to her.

"...How can you claim to fight evil while you are diabolic yourself?"

"Never claimed anything," Montaron smirked.

"Then, foul creatures..."

Jaheira meant it. This was a complete disaster.

"Enough!" Abjure begged. She took her place between the two warring groups, pleading with them. Montaron and Xzar seemed willing to destroy the Iron Throne; Jaheira and Khalid, willing to end any organization they perceived as evil. Without them, the quest and goal would be...compromised.

 _Scarce two months ago, anything outside the walls of Candlekeep was foreign to me._ She thought that she had changed since then.

"Stop it! Surely it is childish to threaten each other-"

"We will happily remove these miscreants," Jaheira said.

"Why must you goad us so?" Xzar said. His left hand inched to the pouches containing his spell components.

"I _said_ , stop it." She had a full eight skeletal minions summoned; they came to stand close to the party. She turned to look (up) at Jaheira and Khalid. "You'll have to go through me. And, well, I guess you don't want that. I think."

"Y-you do not u-understand," Khalid told her. "W-w..."

"I do not u-understand," Abjure mocked. She looked back at Xzar and Montaron. "You wouldn't take the same threat, but: it's stupid! You won't win!"

"I am Death! Destroyer of worlds!" Xzar protested. That, Abjure supposed, meant his marginally saner side wouldn't be available for the time being. Still, she might deal with Montaron.

"Khalid's the best melee fighter we have. He could probably take you, Montaron, even without Jaheira."

"Th' stuttering pansy-"

"No offense intended," she broke in again. "At any rate, in melee like this, he and Jaheira could take down Xzar with one good hit, disrupting any spells he has-no offense, Xzar-" he didn't seem to have been listening, anyway-"and then they turn on you. Maybe they've been wounded by you while they were attacking Xzar, so Khalid keeps you occupied while Jaheira uses her healing powers, and then they attack you together. Or she transforms into a cave bear and swallows you whole." It was a short joke, but one of the few advantages she saw in being a gnome in a human world was having a free pass for that. ( _Apparently, a_ _crazy wannabe megalomaniac and a crazy_ and _incompetent cleric are the only two examples of my entire species._ ) "Maybe you run for a while. Maybe you get off a few good shots with your sling before they catch up to you. Maybe you have healing potions to burn, and you'd live longer, maybe minutes. But I'd bet money you lose." She spoke the words with confidence, as though a god had allowed her to glimpse purple-tinged visions of the two groups attacking and killing each other...

"In fact-if you wanted to win, you should probably do something else. Hide Xzar somewhere he's in range for spellcasting but hard to find, maybe on the barricaded second floor of a building. Or tied to the top of a tree," she added, considering the many forests they'd walked through on their journey.

"Why yes I _love_ being tied to trees," Xzar commented. "All in the classic childhood game of the Bovine Men and the Druids." She chose to ignore him.

"Then you could hide, Montaron, and get off a backstab. I'd pick Jaheira, because she can heal. Let's assume you don't kill her, but you do a good deal of damage. Then you run as fast as you can, because Khalid is probably very upset with you at this point. It's up to Xzar to finish Jaheira off-he can start casting, hopefully fast enough to prevent her from healing. Khalid then has to choose between going after you or going after Xzar. If he picks Xzar, you have to finish off Jaheira, and pull off another backstab on Khalid before he kills Xzar-which might not be easy, but still doable. If he picks you, Montaron, Xzar will have killed Jaheira, and then you have to hold Khalid off until and if Xzar can send spells your way. It's probably the best chance you'd have unless you were so lucky as to find them separated. And, er, it depends on Xzar acting without advice from a short authoritative person. Um..."

"Not a bad strategy, gnome." Montaron stroked his shortsword ominously. Abjure looked back at Jaheira and Khalid; they did not seem too pleased about the plan she had just outlined to murder them both. _I did also describe the other way around!_ She sighed.

"I'm just saying that it's your inevitable doom one way, and your not-quite-as-inevitable doom the other. The really _important_ thing is..."

"That great things can only be achieved when we work together! Will this involve unicorns and rainbows at some point?" Imoen contributed. She did not trust either Montaron or Xzar, and had mentioned it to her best friend in more than one personal conversation. "Just asking."

Abjure slapped a hand to her forehead.

"Sarevok, the powerful and deviant force behind all the obstacles flung in our path since we set out for Nashkel, is waiting for us on the other end of this probably heavily-trapped temple of Bhaal. Now, why don't we hurry up and kill him before he kills us?"


End file.
